My fellow Americans, today I discuss with you a topic of growing importance. A literally growing problem. Fat people. Not just your average husky person, but those people who are so fucking fat they can't fit in the back of a pickup truck. The people, who, when they go to Walmart, have to use the crippled person scooters. They aren't crippled. They're fat. And they can stand to walk around the store for a little while. Other people need to use the scooters. Like me, for example. What am I to do, when I show u and there are no scooters left? You expect me to walk around, behave like a normal person and NOT bump into people? Who the fuck do you think you are?! But I digress.
I have a solution. Anyone who has a body fat content bigger than their IQ (to be that fat you have to be stupid) should either show significant weight loss every two weeks or be shipped off to Poland. And now some of you socialite jackwagons will say, "But that's unamerican!" Well fuck you. You wanna whats Unamerican? I'll tell you whats Unamerican. Not being able to ride around Walmart in an electric scooter!
And for the Obese people who don't go to Walmart, you're fine. Go eat a child, or something.
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