Captain Saveahoe, you deserve to go rot in a hole.

Dearest men-who-befriend-recently-heartbroken-lovely-ladies-and-then-use-them-for-your-few-sexual-exploits,

Go kill yourselves. You are among the terrible group of people I call "Captain Saveahoe". Like really, it may be low for guys like me to break their hearts, but it's even worse of you to exploit them sexually. Go rot in a hole. No one loves you. Obviously you've never learned any chivalrous thinking from your father. I pity you.

I hate you.

A Note on the Local Battle of the Bands.

Alright, last night I went to the local Battle of the Bands. I only stayed for the first 10 bands, cause it was late and I, like every normal person, have a curfew.  So, I'll post the lineup, an then some notes for the band.

Blood for the Masses:
So, this was a metal band. I don't hate metal, but these assholes had no singer, which was probably a blessing, because very few people can sing metal, and I hate to see people try, who can't do it. Also, all of their songs were "original". I thought every song sounded the same, and I'm not musically retarded (no offense to retarded people, I use the word as the dictionary defines, a hindrance or a lack of knowledge.) and I honestly thought it was pretty sub-par.

The Purpose:
More like The No Purpose, cause these guys serve no purpose other than making other garage bands look bad. These guys should be taken behind a shed and shot for the music they played. If I had to listen to a second more of them, I would have found a drumstick and committed Hari Kari. I'll describe the band. The 'singer' had Justin Bieber hair, skinny jeans so tight you could count the change in his pocket, and a voice that would make a dogwhistle say, "Damn, thats a high pitch!" Also, he played a really nice Strat which his spoiled ass probably got from his rich ass parents. All he did was play a constant chord-which was a really bad chord, by the way-the whole time. All three songs. At some points he would try to sing, and I thought I might shoot him. Then, the bassist, did all these horrible screamo things throughout. Ugh. It was horrible.

Conquer the Gates:
These guys have evolved from a previous band, Saint Syke (pronounced Psyche).  They were great, amazing instrumental, and the singer didn't do bad for metal. The only thing I have to say is that he sounded like a frog in his high register, but he was sick, and I've heard him before, and he sounded good.

TBA:
Pretty good, great stuff, no comment really.

Elephant in the Room:
Now, as much as I hate text speak, the whole time they played I was like, "OMFG!!!!" These guys were super fucking amazing. I mean, imagine a bunch of eighth graders who channeled every bit of rock spirit, and sounded amazing. That was these guys. They stared out with a cover of Rosemary, by Interpol. That being one of my favorite songs, I am very judgmental when people cover it.  All I can say is that they have my permission to play that whenever they like. They were amazing. Then they did an original song, which was very good. They ended their set with a song from my favorite band, Weezer. When they played the chorus of The Sweater Song, I stood and sang with them. They took second overall, which is bullshit, if you ask me.

The Pukefest that is Facebook.

Now, I love Facebook. Any of my friends can tell you that due to the fact that I post approximately 1300000 statuses a night. But, the is a growing concern that really has been bothering me. All of those disgusting, puke my intestine out, nitty-gritty relationship stuff. Here's someones status that just made my stomach turn over:

woke up at 4 and couldnt fall back asleep. but thats okay because i started talking to joey at 5 :)

All I can say is, "Ew." I mean, I don't give a shit if you're all for the romance, but that shit isn't romance. It's disgusting. I mean, please, stop spamming my feed with an unintelligible, unprofound, vomit inducing disgust fest. Alright, that is all. 

a HUGE problem.

My fellow Americans, today I discuss with you a topic of growing importance. A literally growing problem. Fat people. Not just your average husky person, but those people who are so fucking fat they can't fit in the back of a pickup truck. The people, who, when they go to Walmart, have to use the crippled person scooters. They aren't crippled. They're fat. And they can stand to walk around the store for a little while.  Other people need to use the scooters. Like me, for example. What am I to do, when I show u and there are no scooters left? You expect me to walk around, behave like a normal person and NOT bump into people? Who the fuck do you think you are?! But I digress.
I have a solution. Anyone who has a body fat content bigger than their IQ (to be that fat you have to be stupid) should either show significant weight loss every two weeks or be shipped off to Poland. And now some of you socialite jackwagons will say, "But that's unamerican!" Well fuck you. You wanna whats Unamerican? I'll tell you whats Unamerican. Not being able to ride around Walmart in an electric scooter!

And for the Obese people who don't go to Walmart, you're fine. Go eat a child, or something.

Some call themselves a literary genius. I prefer the term, a Cunning Linguist.

Now, being as this is my first blog post, I feel the need to inform people who I am and what I am planning to do. My name is Sam Walters, and I am about to create my own world. I will put up anything that I find at all interesting, and it will probably be hilarious. For those of you who don't find me funny, I'm not forcing you to read this. Get ready. I'm about to ROCK YOUR WORLD

and thats about it.